Saturday, March 14, 2009

Candid 6=Embarrassed 29

Okay. I wasn't going to post this for the world to see. It is dreadfully embarrassing. But it is also really, really funny, and it illustrates the gaps in my 6-year-old daughter's vocabulary. It also reminds me of her innocence. I could not resist any longer. Heck, I'll even link to the Life Is Funny carnival! So blush a little, and enjoy a good laugh at my expense. Before you read on, take a good look at this cute, little face. Keep it in mind as you read.

When we were in North Carolina last month, we went to the Hendrick Motorsports Facility. My favorite NASCAR driver, Jimmie Johnson, races for the Hendrick Team. So going to the museum, visiting the shop where they work on Jimmie's cars, and seeing a few of his cars were great fun for me, as well as for Snapper, who is my little race-watching- buddy. At the register in the gift store, they had a bucket of lug nuts from Jimmie's car on sale for $1 each. For those of you who know me, I am dreadfully cheap. I love a good bargain. This seemed like it might be a good bargain. However, I just could not bring myself to spend $1 for a lug nut, even one that was from my racing hero's car. When we found one in the parking lot, though, believe me...I jumped on that bargain! That yellow, scuffed lug nut has a place of honor on my keychain.

Before I describe the event that has risen high on my "most embarrassing moments" chart, let me set the vocabulary record straight. Snapper has long struggled with the word "nipple." Okay, I've said it. Now we can move on. In the last few years, many objects have been wrongfully dubbed a nipple by Snapper, including:

A pimple ("Look, Mommy, you have a big nipple on your chin!")
Thanks, dear...
A bug bite ("I think that bug gave me a big nipple when he bit me.")
Impressive bug!
A nickel ("Can I have a nipple so I can buy some candy?")
Would it fit in the quarter slot?
Hives ("Mommy, I have nipples all over my body!)
I don't think Benadryl will solve that problem...
Dimples ("Pepper has 2 nipples on his booty!")
Let's form our own freak show! We could go on the road and make our fortunes!
Many times I have tried to explain to my vocab-challenged girl what a nipple is! Apparently, I just haven't gotten through to her.

The day after we got home, we went to the office with Matt. Snapper was animatedly describing the events of our trip to one of Matt's male co-workers. We'll just call him Fred. Here's how the conversation went.

Snapper: "We got to go to the NASCAR museum while we were in North Carolina!
Fred: "Really? How fun! What did you see?"
S: "We saw Jimmie and Jeff's race cars! And guess what? My mommy found one of Jimmie Johnson's nipples in the parking lot! She put it on her keychain!"
Me: "SNAPPER!!!"
F: Chuckles and looks at me with raised eyebrows

At this point I felt the red flames beginning to climb into my cheeks.

S: Dramatically smacks hand across forehead and says, "No, no, no, wait! That's not right! It wasn't a nipple. It was one of Jimmie Johnson's nuts! It's on her keychain. She'll show you if you ask!"
Me: (more insistently...not looking at Fred) "SNAPPER!"
F: Full-on grinning and looking at me expectantly

Heat is radiating off my neck and face now. Oh, how embarrassing!

S: "No, no, no, wait! That's not right either." (furrows brow in concentration) "Ah ha! I know! It was one of Jimmie Johnson's lug nuts. Silly me!"

What more can I say?


ErinL said...

That is honestly the best laugh Larry and I have had all week! Thanks!

Karon said... took me twice as long as it should have to read this b/c i had too many tears in my eyes from laughing! love it! my only question: who is fred? i've got someone in my head who i can just picture responding in the ways you

Matt said...

*sigh* That's our kid. The only thing that would have made this that much sweeter is if she had actually said this to Jimmie Johnson! Maybe in September we'll look for that opportunity....

RachelRuelas said...

oh my goodness!
What a girl! That will be SO very embarassing for her to hear later on in life, but you must remember that one later :)
Good story em, where was that handy chewy bar you mom's are supposed to have on hand for moments like that!?

Kristin said...

So stinkin funny! You need to save all these funny comments for "one day!"

Wendy said...

Oh, that is so funny!!! Aren't kids the greatest? You'll have to remember these things so that when she takes care of you in your old age, you can "innocently" say them back to her. Youth and old age have their advantages!

Helen said...

Very funny. Tell this story when she is sixteen to boyfriends you want to see go away.

Kristin said...

Oh goodness, I needed a laugh tonight! It's so funny, because my little one (the one that calls my cleavage a neck-butt) pulled my sweater down the other day and asked if I had my own pepperoni in my shirt!