I feel like I'm living in unreality right now. Is unreality even a word? If it isn't, it should be, because it fits me. Five short months ago we were arriving home from our month-long road trip with the discussion of adoption fresh out of our mouths. We had decided to consider adoption from foster care. I went down to the library and began a period of voracious reading. When I say voracious, I mean that in 6 weeks I read every single book our county library has on foster care, adoption, attachment, child abuse, etc. That's 32 books with a grand total of about 10,000 pages. We started our foster/adoption training scared out of our minds about what we were getting into, but still feeling strongly called by God to move ahead.
I asked God to either give me a clear "out" or to crystalize the call so I could move ahead confidently. In September I learned I was pregnant as I had a miscarriage. God spoke to me so tenderly through it. He used the miscarriage to remove any doubt from my heart, and to push me forward. Not only did He NOT give me an out, He took away my fear ad gave me unbelievable peace. We went through our training all fall and graduated December 6. We expected the home study to begin mid-January, and that we would receive certification around Easter.
Here we are, January 8, and we are on schedule to receive certification in five short days! We've begun getting our house ready for new kids. My adoption blog has tripled readership in the last 3 days. Matt and I have begun seriously planning some support-raising trips because we need to raise $1200 new monthly support by summer in order to prepare our finances for two new family members.
We've got our eye on a few children who at first read of the profiles seem to be possible matches. As soon as that home study is in our hands, it will be going out to some case workers. When I think about the fact that God already knows which kids are going to be ours I get goosebumps all over. It still seems so unreal to me that I may know sooner than later. Each time I get on the photo listings I pray and ask God to guide me. I wonder if I'll get goosebumps when I see their photo for the first time? I'm prone to goosebumps...
I'm really thinking that this whole process is like being pregnant. These kids started growing in my heart way back in September. When we went to that first class, it was like getting a positive pregnancy test. We started to acknowledge that kids are coming. Starting to scan photo listings in early December was like getting that first ultrasound and seeing a tiny heartbeat. These faces are real little people and one or two of them are ours. Now we're well into that second trimester. Having the homestudy done and purchasing a bunk bed for Pepper's room is like feeling that baby kick. It is suddenly physically real to us. Can I just say I'm loving the absence of morning sickness, leg cramps, sore boobs, and dislocated hips?
But anyhoo, this all seems unreal somehow. I've wanted to adopt since I was a very little girl. Matt and I have talked about it since before we were even married. And now it's happening. Oh my wow!