Sunday, March 9, 2014

Irritable and Frustrated

I have officially reached that point in this pregnancy where the end can't come soon enough. I read other moms' stories of cherishing every moment of their pregnancies, loving feeling the baby moving, and being sad for the pregnancy to end.

I am not one of those moms!

Every day feels like an eternity. I have a baby who likes to put her feet under my ribs, and she grinds her head on my bladder. I am constantly uncomfortable. Because of the pre-term contractions I had last month, I am on orders to stay off my feet. If I'm up for very long, the contractions start again. I have so much to do, but no energy to do it. And if I push through the fatigue and try to do stuff, contractions start. So I home school my cranky, uncooperative 3rd grader the best I can. I get the laundry done, because I can do most of that from the couch. Sometimes I ignore the contractions and plunge into a job, which makes my mind feel better, but is not really a smart idea for my body. I leave the kitchen cleaning to Snapper, Pepper, and Bubbles, which means I go through every day with all the breakfast mess in the sink (so not my style). Hubby comes home from work and does the cooking. The rest of the cleaning happens on Saturdays, when the kids can do most of it.

Night is far worse than day. I have way more ligament pain with this pregnancy than with my others. I think it must come from being so much older this time around. I have horrific heartburn, and I have to sleep mostly sitting up, which is never comfortable. I am very thankful for my body pillow, which hooks around my neck and keeps my head stable while I sleep. While I "sleep." I've reached that magical place in the pregnancy when I have to get up four or five times in the night to pee. I feel like when I do sleep, I dream constantly. And probably the worst part of all is the restless leg syndrome. It used to just be at bedtime. Now it's off and on all night. I'm just miserable.

I know, I will be worth it. I know it will be worth it. In a few short weeks I'll be holding my sweet baby, and the rough parts of this pregnancy will quickly fade. But the truth is, I'm walking through it now. Thinking ahead does not help. Knowing that I'm almost done does not help. I just want it to be the middle of April.

I'm facing additional frustration as well. If you've read my blog for any period of time, you know that I am Queen Organization and Plan Ahead. With Snapper and Pepper, I had their nurseries all set up and ready for them two months in advance. I had so much fun washing the little clothes, putting them carefully away, decorating, and getting all my baby gear set up and ready to go. I could relax and rest at the end of the pregnancy. This time is so much different.

We are stacked on top of each other in our little tiny house. We do not have room for a baby and all the gear that comes with a baby. There is no place in our house to put a crib. We can't fit another dresser in the house. I have one small section of my closet that will fit baby clothes. There will be no cute decorations. No neat organization. No special space just for her. She'll live in our room until we move this summer. She'll sleep in the bassinet insert in a pack & play as long as she'll fit in it. All the gear I'm not immediately using will live in a tote in the garage.

And this is driving me crazy.

It may change when our lease expires at the end of June. We must move into a larger house, and I'm hoping the baby will at least be able to have part of a bedroom, with a real crib and a dresser and a place to keep all of her stuff. I know my little Sweet Pea will never remember not having her own nursery. But it's tough for me. I'm frustrated, and I'm sad.

There. I've said it. Gripe is over. are a couple of photos from my baby shower yesterday. My friend Brandee did a lovely job on the shower. My friends are so generous, and I received so many wonderful things! And here's a photo of Sweet Pea's crib quilt. I've been piecing it here and there over the last couple of months. I finished the face today. As soon as I can make it to the store to pick up quilt batting, I'll finish the quilting and binding. Not that she has a crib...

34 weeks pregnant!

Isn't it beautiful???

The shower was a brunch because I love brunch foods so much. 

1 comment:

Rachel McDonald said...

Your quilt is gorgeous. You are gorgeous and my heart breaks with you... I love your honesty. I know I will take comfort in SO MANY of your posts when I am in these kinds of situations. I love you & will be praying for miracles these last few weeks. Hang in there friend. You're doing beautifully...