God has given me two glorious children, who are stinkin' HILARIOUS! The funniest part is that they aren't even trying to be funny.
As soon as the conversation started, I started typing, capturing what they were saying as the words were coming out of their mouths. I knew it was going to be good, and I was right! Ready to laugh? Fasten your seatbelt!
So I am at the computer, playing on Facebook. The kids are sitting in their little chairs in front of the office window, watching the sunset and drawing. Okay...they're still there...here's a photo.
Snapper: "Mom, isn't Easter about when Jesus died on the cross and was raised from the dead?"
Me: "Yes! You are exactly right."
Snapper: (turns to Pepper and patiently begins to explain) "Brother, Easter is coming soon. You know, the day where we wear fancy dresses and go to church and have an Easter egg hunt? Well actually, you're a boy, so you won't wear a dress. You'll wear just regular boy clothes."
Pepper: "An Easter egg hunt! I want to have an Easter egg hunt!"
S: "Don't worry, Brother. We will, on Easter, and Easter is only 4 weeks away! But Easter isn't really about eggs or the Easter Bunny, which isn't even really a real rabbit. Easter is about Jesus. He loved us so much that He died on the cross for our sins. It was so horrible and it hurt Him real bad. They hit him with whips and put thorns on his head. And then they nailed him up there on the cross and he died."
P: "Easter is tomorrow! I bet Spiderman saved Him!"
S: (exasperated) "No he did NOT! Spiderman didn't even exist then! God raised Jesus from the dead. The bad guys buried Him, and three days later he rose from the dead. And now we can live with Him forever if we will just ask Him into our hearts. He will wash away our sins and make us white as snow. Get it Brother? He died for you because He loves you. Do you understand?"
P: (proudly) "Yes! I understand! Jesus was erased from the dead. My brother Spiderman saved Jesus. Now Jesus washes away all my sins with His water bottle. And grasshoppers are bees!"
Okay, brief pause here. Grasshoppers are bees? Snapper didn't say anything about grasshoppers or bees...where the heck did that come from?
S: "First of all, grasshopper are NOT bees! Bees are bees. Grasshoppers are grasshoppers."
P: "Grasshoppers ARE bees! Grasshoppers have wings, and so do bees. See Sissy? Grasshoppers are bees!"
S: "Whatever! Besides, Spiderman isn't your brother! You don't have a brother. You just have a sister, and her name is M-E!"
P: "I know you're my sister! Spiderman is too my brother! He's on my shirt...see?" (points to the Spiderman shirt he is wearing)
S: "Spiderman is not your brother! He is just a cartoon. Besides, Jesus was RAISED from the dead. You know, like, He rose from the dead? Like rose. See?" (she slowly stands up, dramatically raising her hands over her head, with a pious expression on her face) "He rose, like this!"
S: "Anyway, you can't erase people!"
P: "And grasshoppers are bees. And Spiderman is my brother."
S: (Gives him a disgusted look, turns and rolls her eyes at me, shakes her head and quietly resumes coloring)
I Heart My Children!