What I've Learned

Okay, gonna lay myself open a bit on this post. Please tread lightly.

September will mark 2 years since my last miscarriage--and two years since I was pregnant. In those 2 years, my desire for another baby has steadily grown. While Matt doesn't share the strength of that desire, he also would be delighted with another baby. But it just hasn't happened. Each month I've waited and hoped that perhaps THIS will be the month...and each month I've been disappointed. And then everywhere I look, my friends are getting pregnant. I currently have 18 pregnant friends. I'm super happy for them, and being around them isn't a crushing blow or anything. I just have a little sore spot in my heart that aches a bit with each new announcement. I am trusting God for His timing, because history proves to me that He knows what He is doing, especially in the baby department. Someday I'll share this story. But anyways, about a month ago I had a great "conversation" with my blogger friend Michelle about my growing fears that we may be dealing with infertility. She shared with me a great website: www.fertilityfriend.com. She told me it would help me understand my body, and know fertility signs and timing. I also figured it would help me know if/when I should start seeking medical intervention. I've read lots of books on the topic, and thought I already did understand. But I visited the website anyway, just in case I was missing something. I have learned A LOT that wasn't even on my radar before. Here's how it works.

1. Visit the site and sign up for a free account.
2. Register for the free online learning fertility course.
3. Each day a short lesson will be sent to your email inbox. Read the lesson and take the short quiz. Each lesson gives detailed information about how hormones run your cycle, primary fertility signs, secondary fertility signs, how to read those signs in your body, how to chart the signs, and reading fertility charts. It was super helpful! On average, each lesson and quiz took me 5-7 minutes.
4. Every morning as soon as you are conscious in your bed, grab your thermometer off your nightstand and take your temperature. Enter it in your online chart at www.fertilityfriend.com
5. Follow the instructions on checking other fertility signs.
6. Enjoy your new awareness of your body as you watch your chart progress. The chart analyzes the data for you. It tells you when you are potentially the most fertile, marks your ovulation date, and predicts your next period. I know my doctor will be thrilled to add this chart to my records, especially if I use it for multiple months. It paints a very clear picture of what a normal cycle is for me. This will raise my awareness of normal, so I can tell if anything abnormal should arise. There's value in charting, even if you aren't trying to become pregnant! I wonder if charting would have helped my mom detect her disease earlier. She died of ovarian cancer. It was not detected until late Stage 3.

What I learned this week is likely the reason it has been two years since I've been pregnant: I was reading my fertility signs entirely wrong! My body operates at a delayed rate from the average woman's body. I now know for next month what to be watching for, and how to time it all. I'm very curious to see if this makes a difference! Only time will tell...

Thanks Michelle!

For more "What I've Learned" visit Musings of a Houseiwfe!

Also, my friend Sarah Mae is having a blogaversary party with TONS of incredible giveaways! Check it out! Apart from the giveaways, it is a wonderful, inspiring blog that every woman should know about.

Appreciating Two

I am frequently asked how old Pepper is. He is quite tall for his age, so people are surprised when I tell them he's almost 3. And then when they hear, they'll groan and make some remark about the terrible twos. I have some thoughts on terrible twos.
My sweet Pepper boy lives up to the nickname (Pepper) that his Grammy and Poppa gave him. He is a feisty, little pepper man. His twos have been significantly more terrible than Snapper's twos were. But...

I love age two!



Pepper is into everything, yes. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.
Sharpies
Vaseline
Stickers
Pepper (the spice...dumped all over the kitchen)
Sharpies
Makeup foundation
Dental floss
Sharpies
Candle wax
Chapstick (I think he has eaten every chapstick owned by every female in this house)
Laundry
Sharpies
Candy
Poopy diapers (Ewww!)
and....you guessed it: Sharpies!

Am I angry or frustrated by this propensity for mischief? Not really. I don't like that he ignores me and continues to attract Sharpies like a magnet. I don't like the time I've wasted removing Sharpie art from clothing, furniture, walls, carpet, and skin. Candle wax and Vaseline are pretty rough, too. But, I choose to take a different perspective on the whole thing. Pepper is a little boy who is curious about how everything feels, how it works, and what sort of impact a substance will make on its environment. He is creative, innovative, and determined. He is not trying to be naughty. He is just a little guy who is soaking up the world in a more sensory manner than did his older sister.

Don't get me wrong--our house is not without boundaries. When Pepper makes a mess, he is required to help me clean it up. When he gets into something he should not get into, he is disciplined appropriately. We have fairly firm standards, which I know are very healthy for the kids. At the same time, I really try not to overreact to mischief that comes from a 2-year-old. When I do react badly, I have observed that Pepper seems to enjoy the reaction. Oops! Don't want to feed that monster! I simply try to take it in stride, with my camera stashed behind my back where he can't see it!

Another aspect of two that gets me at times is the whole screaming and tantrum act. For a few months Pepper spent much of his day in fit mode, and used screaming as his primary form of communication. This is not a welcome behavior in our home! The various forms of discipline I tried accomplished nothing. And then we discovered the magic of the timeout. While timeouts did nothing for Snapper (who used timeouts as a chance to escape into a little, happy, dream world), they are very useful for Pepper. It's like the timeout spot gives him what he needs to gain control of himself, and to practice using his words to communicate. He still screams occassionally, but we've made great progress. I look at screaming and tantrums as the natural, immature attempt of a little person to deal with emotions that are too big for his body. He's not usually trying to be a pill. It is my job as Mommy to help him learn how to appropriately express himself.

Overall, though not without some major challenges, Age Two is wonderful. I love the budding independence, the new sense of humor, the rapidly improving ability to communicate, the increasing understanding of the world, the intense curiousity, the funny things they say, and the plain ol' cuteness that are all part of being two.

If there's one new thing I've learned through Pepper's time in the twos, it is not to label the twos as terrible. While I wouldn't necessarily call it the terrific twos, labeling age two as terrible can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I encourage you other moms of toddlers to deal with the challenges as they come, remembering that this too shall pass. And then enjoy the unique and exciting growth that is part of this wonderful age. Don't forget how fleeting time is. You blink and it's gone.

Complicated

I woke up this morning to the gentle stroking of little hands on my arm. As I fought to gain consciousness, I became aware of the tantalizing scent of bacon. I scrubbed sleep away from my eyes, and was greeted by Snapper's sparkling eyes and giant smile. Her front teeth are super loose, so the smile is kind of funky right now. Click! Saved that one to my forever memory! My little sweetie got up early with Daddy to prepare strawberry muffins, scrambled eggs, and bacon, along with Constant Comment tea (my favorite) for Mother's Day breakfast. This breakfast was served to me in bed. The kids also gave me flowers and a sweet card. I'll swallow my pride and post the picture here, even though I'm in all my early-morning glory. Pepper is absent from the picture because he could not be coaxed out of bed. We couldn't even wake him up! Apparently he was really tired. Anyway, I greatly appreciated Snapper's thought, and her obvious delight in serving me. The sweetness is what I cherish most on Mother's Day.



Mother's Day is kind of complicated for me. It's complicated in a good way. Mostly good, anyway. It is complicated because not only do I celebrate being a mom, I celebrate my 4 mothers. That's right, 4 mothers.

My first mother is my birthmom, Sherry. At the tender age of 22, she found herself pregnant, and very much unable to care for a baby. She endured the months of pregnancy with the knowledge that she would not mother her baby. When I was born, she spent several hours holding and cuddling me, against the advice of her doctors. Then she said a very painful goodbye to me, not knowing if she'd ever see me again. My Mama Sherry is my hero. She gave me life and walked the hardest road a mother can walk. When I was 20, we were reunited, and have shared a very close friendship ever since. She is Nana to Snapper and Pepper, and is one of my best friends.

Mama Sherry with my Mommy at my baby shower, August 2002


My second mother is my Mommy, Lotte. After walking through infertility, she said goodbye to her dream of becoming a mother. Then God saw fit to give me to her through adoption. My sister Jenny followed in the same manner 3 1/2 years later. Mommy is the mother who raised me. She nurtured me, taught me, introduced me to Jesus, disciplined me, loved me unconditionally, cherished me, and made me into the woman I am today. My sweet Mommy lost her battle with ovarian cancer 6 years ago this week. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought of her and missed her. She was Grammy to Snapper for 8 months, and will always be Grammy in our memories.

Mommy with my sis and me, 1986


My third mother came to me through my husband. She is my mother-in-law, Lia. I call her Mom because she is like a mom to me. Because she and my Mommy were friends since they were in 7th grade, Lia has known me since I was born. During childhood our families were so close that I called her Auntie. It was very easy to make the transition to mother-in-law when Matt and I got married 8 years ago. Today she is MIL: Mother-In-Love. I love her dearly. MIL is Grandma to my kiddos.

MIL with Snapper and Pepper, July 2008


My fourth mother is the newest addition to my pack of moms. She is my step-mom, Nancy. Nancy and my dad got married 18 months after my mom passed away. And let me tell you, my dad and Nancy are a match made in heaven. In the past 5 years that Nancy has been in my life, I have come to love her like a mother. I can talk about anything with her, and know that I have her love, encouragement, and support. She is Gramma Salty to the kids, and is a fantastic Gramma. I need to figure out a better title for Nancy. Step-mom sounds so sterile, and anyway, she's way more than that to me.

My family on Dad and Nancy's wedding day, 2004


So can you see why Mother's Day is so complicated? I can't even begin to describe the range of emotions I have experienced today. First, there's the rush of thankfulness that I am so blessed to have had 4 women in the mother role in my life. Then comes the wave of pain and grief when I mourn my mom. My sorest regret in life is that Snapper and Pepper will not know my mom. There's no more to say. I just miss my Mommy. Then comes the amazement at the incredible woman who does know my children, and pours herself into them. Nancy, I love you. Finally comes wonder--the wonder of being a mom. Snapper and Pepper are such gifts, and I am blessed to be their mother. I am also Mommy to 4 little ones in Heaven. So my mom does know grandchildren! Sigh.

As today is Mother's Day, I'm posting several pictures. These pictures are in memory of my Mommy, the single most important woman in my life.

I want to close this blog with a big huge thank you to Mama Sherry, Mommy Lotte, MIL Lia, and Nancy (who needs a better title). I love all four of you and am thankful for the ways each of you have invested in my life.

Riding together in our neighborhood, 1980


Creek walking with Mommy, one of my favorite childhood pasttimes, 1982


Mother's Day 1985


My parents presenting an award to Matt at a homeschool awards ceremony. Little did they know he was their future son-in-law!

Chatting with Mommy at Loch Lomond in Scotland, 1998


Arriving at the church on my wedding day, 2001


Anticipating the imminent arrival of her first grandchild, 2002. This is my favorite picture ever taken of Mommy and me.


This is how she showed up at the hospital when I was in labor! Ha ha! Ever the sense of humor.

In the brief months she had with Snapper, she took her Grammy role very seriously.


My favorite picture of Grammy and Snapper, 2003


Three generation. This picture is so precious.